I have lost a lot. Felt a lot of pain. Endured a lot of hurt. Have been betrayed. Left behind. Overlooked. Forgotten about. But… my skies are not grey, my day is not night, my glass is not half-empty; because I still have JOY. When I’m not smiling. When my face is drenched from the tears. When I see no way out. When no solution seems to work. I do not feel defeated, I do not feel overcome, I do not feel like its all over; because I still have JOY.
Everyone else is getting blessed. At least it can seem that way sometimes. But I can't seem to keep two nickels to rub together. So broke, I cant even pay attention. Money acting funny. Change acting strange. I don’t let it get the best of me, I don’t get jealous of what other people have, I know my season is coming; because I still have JOY.
Happiness may come and go. But that’s because happiness is based on what is happening. But there is something inside me that reminds me that dark times don’t last always. That despite the issues in my life, I am still blessed. That when I put my focus on God instead of my issues, then all my problems begin to look small compared to my very big God. Something reminds me that I am not alone. Lonely sometimes, but never alone. And when I begin to focus on my God, despite the pain, the brokenness, the heartache, the disappointment… I can feel the light from inside me begin to break through the darkness. My own personal sunlight, despite the dreary conditions in life; because I still have JOY. And where does this JOY come from? Simply put, GOD.
I believe in Him, so I trust Him. Trusting Him keeps me at peace. That peace allows me to experience JOY. And that JOY is my strength. Which is why, no matter what happens, or doesn’t happen, I can always find my smile. Truth be told, I may lose it sometimes. Life may catch me unexpectedly. But when the dust clears, and my mind settles, when you see me you will see a smile that originated from the God within me. A smile that testifies that no matter what, thanks to my Loving Father, I still have JOY.